Unhealthy or toxic behaviors may go unnoticed in any relationship. As bold boss moms, we may sometimes overlook what is happening depending on the circumstances. Regardless of the situation, it’s vital to recognize and cleanse these relationships from our lifestyle.
From My Experiences
I was in a toxic relationship and was aware of my ex’s unfavorable behaviors. My efforts to avoid daily conflicts caused me to lose a sense of my reality. I was accepting all kinds of negative behaviors from someone who didn’t serve my life with a positive purpose.
Even though I was fed up, I didn’t want to create even more chaos by constantly calling him out. So, I started documenting the things that went unnoticed from the first time I met him.
I felt a sense of relief, expressing my thoughts and feelings about my relationship through my writings, videos, audio recordings, and future plans.
Suppressing emotions and feeling obligated to “be the bigger person” in certain situations was draining. I would think of times when I disregarded my confused thoughts and overlooked obvious evidence of his wrong-doings.
When I revisited my “expression collection” for that relationship I reassured myself that my gut feelings were loyal to my sanity. I no longer accepted simple apologies and hoped that behaviors and attitudes would improve.
That sentiment holds true, not only for my ex but for anyone showing toxic behaviors towards me.
For years, I was in an unhealthy relationship and knew when a person had harmful intentions.
My previous experiences may not have been ideal, but they allow me to share three toxic behaviors to notice in any relationship.
1. Being Shown a Lack of Empathy
We all know that healthy relationships are built on trust and showing empathy to someone.
For example, your friend shares with you that they are sick. You decide to check on them and bring them a care package. Those behaviors show your friend they can count on you for emotional support and genuine empathy.
There are, however, situations where you may feel a lack of empathy in relationships.
Let’s turn that example around. Now you are the friend that is sick. You reach out to your friend and get no response. Instead of getting checked on and a care package, your friend tags you in a post at a party with the caption, “Wish you were here!” Seems thoughtless, right?
In this situation, you are shown a lack of empathy from your friend even though they faced a similar experience, and you were there for them.
When you recognize someone showing you a lack of empathy, you can better avoid, cope, or heal from these emotional traumas.
2. They Leave You in a State of Confusion or Gaslight You
Gaslighting is a harmful manipulation tactic that is used to make someone question their sanity. For example, someone tells you a flat-out lie with a straight face. You know that they are lying, but they are so obvious about it that you are left confused.
They are trying to set up a precedent to make you uneasy and unsure if you can trust them. The ultimate goal is to leave you in a constant state of confusion and questioning their motives. In their mind, their behavior keeps you on your toes. In reality, they’re putting you through unnecessary stress.
When you feel you’re being gaslighted, always redirect your attention to addressing their negative behaviors.
You’ll get pushback, but revisiting your expression collection will keep your sanity intact.
3. Your Relationship is Bonded By Mixed Feelings
One of the most unnoticed behaviors of a toxic relationship is the bond made up of mixed feelings. I’m not talking about normal human emotions that we all experience.
No, I’m referring to the hot and cold emotional bonds that are soaked in people’s past traumas.
My experience of being bonded by mixed feelings goes both ways. I used to be someone who could cut someone off from an angry feeling alone. I’ve since learned of my flawed ways and only take this harsh approach when necessary (i.e. the start of a toxic relationship).
But I’ve also been on the other side and have carried the weight of someone else’s emotional traumas.
For example, I dated someone who was “never wrong” in any situation. Their behavior became so toxic towards me that I had no choice but to cut them off completely. Our bond faded when our relaxed interactions morphed into stressful conversations just so he could prove a point.
Having mixed feelings is stressful in a relationship, but healthy communication can be a remedy. If you feel uncomfortable expressing yourself overall, then there’s a chance your relationship is toxic.
Conclusion
Relationships require a lot of work especially when things get complicated. Showing a lack of empathy, being gaslighted, and bonding by mixed feelings are three toxic behaviors to notice and avoid in any relationship.
Share your thoughts.
What are some toxic behaviors you can spot in any relationship, whether its family, friends, romantic/intimate, at work/school, or even within yourself?
